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Every parent thinks they they have a unique parenting style. There are different styles of parenting, but through my experience in dealing with adolescents and their parents, I can safely categorize them into four broad categories.
“Hamare zamane mein toh” Parenting
Parenting by our parents was best
Some parents believe that they want to raise their child as they were raised by their parents.
They want the child to have a fixed time for everything. The child is expected to take approval/consent from their parents before taking any decision. The main inclination is often towards academics or towards what parents are good at. ( “I play tennis well, so must my daughter“, “I am so good at Hindi Classical Singing, my son should also sing well“). They believe this style of parenting has made them sincere , honest and successful in life. The same should be followed by the child too. They also think they have full right to scold and punish the child for doing wrong, and praise and pat the child for doing right things.
The “Naye Zamane ke” Parenting
We move with the times parenting
These parents believe that they will give full freedom to their children, as they had faced so many restrictions from their parents. They want their child to live a life where they do not need any approvals.
This is mostly because they were not given the freedom of doing anything without parental consent. They blame their current shortcoming on their parents’ style of parenting. Be it lack of confidence, or poor leadership or decision making – everything is blamed on their parents.
So they decide to go with a complete hands-off approach. They think that freedom is required to make the child confident and child should explore things. The teenager can freely go for a stayover at their friends place or should go out on a movie dates. Nothing is questioned, nothing is considered harmful. They put extra effort in fulfilling their child’s every smallest wish , and ensure that he or she does not have to compromise with the freedom.
The “Thoda Tight Rakhna Zaroori hai ” parenting
Reins in my hand Parenting
Some parents believe that too much freedom is not good for the child because too much freedom from their parents ruined them. They faced many challenges due to zero restrictions like being academically unambitious, or a lackluster career or even addictions.
They were not scolded for doing things in a wrong way rather they were told it is OK to make mistakes and this is how they will learn. This freedom has not helped them as their parents were not there for clarifying things when they needed it. They think this is why they have made so many mistakes and sometimes they are scared to take decisions. Hence, these parents believe that their kids need to be given a constrained freedom.
The “Sharma ji ka beta toh” parenting
Learn from other Children
These are confused parents who do not know which parenting style is right , hence they take some confused decisions for their child . If they hear about any other child’s success – they force their child to do the same. “Rohit in your class is so good at dance, you should join dancing classes“. “Shalini has excelled in MUN – you should also work hard to get the first prize”.
Every other child for them is doing better than their child. End result – the child gets constantly sent to all kinds of classes. The child is expected to be a super star at everything. But when the child does not do well – they quickly dismiss it so that the child does not feel bad, “Winning is not everything ! Don’t worry, It’s OK” . This confuses the child.
These parents often forget what they said about an activity earlier. For example, when another child wins they will say, “Anya won a gold medal for skating- You should also do skating”. But they forget that it was them who discouraged their child the previous year – “Skating is dangerous – you will not do it”
Conclusion
Every parent has an idea of parenting based on their childhood. In a way , they keep their childhood experiences, ambitions, prejudices and weaknesses at the center of their parenting style.
Is your parenting style based on what YOU need to do, or is it based on what your CHILD really needs ?
